Flashback 42

[A page from my journal in New York, three and a half years ago....]

After two very early morning phone calls from Vienna two days in row, at the hour when phone calls only mean something very bad or very good, life for me has become an extended slo-mo moment. My actions feel like those of a body which I am operating from above, like a puppeteer. Time has softened and stretched. I am watching a movie about my life.

There is news from Ethiopia. There is a girl for us there.

I have to be ready to get on a plane to Vienna in four days. This is really happening. This is real life. So why does it feel so unbelievable?

This morning I met our medicated neighbor J. in the hallway, and I told him I may be going to Africa to meet our daughter. I told him that I hope I can get over all of my worries and my anxieties and just get everything done in time.

J. said, "You know, all that paperwork stuff tends to take care of itself. So you might as well just relax and enjoy it."

In other words, the ride is bigger than me now. All I have to do is step up, and hold on.