Tuesday night dinner conversation

One record that I have only just recently discovered is John Martyn's Solid Air. Astonishing. But I'll save the review for another post. I was listening to it tonight as I fixed dinner for myself and the smaller girls in my life. I must have been feeling chatty (or fragile). Just before Martyn sang the lyric "I don't wanna know about evil, only wanna know about love," Adinah spoke up. V., as usual, mostly let Adinah do the talking.

Adinah: Is this still La Roux?

Me: No, this is a different record. This is a guy named John Martyn.

Me: Do you know what he's singing about?

Adinah: No.

Me: Well, he's singing about good and evil. And love. You know what love is, right?

Adinah: YES. I know what love is. What is e-?

Me: Evil? Well, that's when people do bad things. When they hurt each other.

Adinah: Do you know anyone who did e-vil?

Me: I don't know. I guess I've known people who've done bad things, yes.

Adinah: Did your papa do bad things?

Me: Yes. I mean, my papa made some mistakes. But that's not the same thing as evil. Everyone makes mistakes.

(pause)

Adinah: Good thing my papa is not drunk.

Me: (smiling and starting to tear up) Yes.

(longer pause)

V.: (looking at me with big eyes) Bist du traurig? (Are you sad?)

Me: No, V., I'm not sad, it's...it's just not easy talking about stuff like this. Talking about people you love.

(pause)

Me: But Adinah, even though I've told you that my father got drunk or that he was a drunk, that doesn't mean he was bad. He was a good man. He did the best he could. But he was sick. It was hard work to love him sometimes. Even though love isn't like work. You either love someone or you don't.

Adinah: Yeah, I love you because you're my papa.