Here's an interesting update on Condaleeza Rice and her search for a huggy bunny she can call her own. After I read it, I found myself wondering, 'What if, what if.........?' The lights went low and the background details started to blur, and I got this glazed look in my eyes. What if I was out on the town, and one of those ancient Tyrolean yodelers on the Strassenbahn knocked me over and I suffered some temporary long-term memory loss, and somehow I ended up at Champs, the sports bar underneath the Marriott, just because the only thing I could remember was their half-decent cheeseburger? What if I walked in and saw an attractive, vaguely familiar woman, who had just recently cut her hair again and now looked like a more worried Halle Berry, sitting bolt upright with an economy size ice tea? Wouldn't I approach, and say something like,
"Um, excuse me, aren't you-."
And wouldn't she say,
"Why, hello, you. Pull up a chair and rest your boots."
“Okay… I’m actually looking for someone to-“
“Love?” she asks, cocking one very determined eyebrow.
“You really cut to the chase, don’t you, Tex? What do you do for a living?”
“That’s the thing,” I say unsteadily. “I’m a little confused right now. But I think I’m a teacher.”
Somehow these words have exactly the wrong effect on Condi. She softens, and her eyes get bigger and browner. “You know, that’s just how I feel,” she purrs. “Sometimes a situation changes, and so much change is involved that it’s hard to know exactly how much of the changing is due to this particular transitional phase, and how much is due to weapons of mass destruction.”
“But I think of myself as a teacher, too.”
“Tell me, Tex—is it okay if I call you Tex? I was with a guy from Texas for awhile and you, well, you remind me of him a little. Fine. So, Tex, how do you feel about bad guys?”
“You mean, like disruptive students?”
“No, the bad guys. You know, Bin Laden, Putin, Jon Stewart, John Kerry?”
“Look,” I say, as my head begins to clear, “I think I might need medical attention.“
“Okay, bottom line, Tex: I’m a pretty good cook, and I’m sitting on my groceries.”
“Whoa, you’re Condoleezza Rice! I’m so outta here!!”
“Wait, don’t go yet! Your glass is half empty and we just met!”