V.'s 3rd B-Day Party Top Ten

1) Most Ominous Portent of Doom:
The birthday girl's total nuclear meltdown before the party had even started, as we walked her and her little friends home from kindergarten.

2) Best Party Game:
The Balloon Race (Rules of Play: each kid picks a balloon, then we throw them all out of the window [the balloons, that is] and see which one bounces the farthest before popping, being stolen by a passerby, or drifting into Pizza Mann to order a Diavolo.)

3) Most Giggles per Second:
Blowing up the balloons with Katharina and Mohammed

4)Most Startling Demographic Trend:
Out of six boys and girls, Katharina was the only white kid. The rest of the attendees were either African or Austrian-African.

5) Most Wildly Popular Party Foodstuff:
Tie: Gummi Fruits and popcorn.

6) Entity which Consumed the Largest Portion of either Wildly Popular Party Foodstuff:
Emily's father, who lugged around the giant bowl of popcorn until he had devoured all but the most burnt kernels, as he does every year.

7) Music: Lady Gaga Video: Maisy

8) This year's Lo-Budget Party Favor Pack for all the Guests (Bestowed at Departure):
Cartoon stickers (3 sheets each), Sugar-free chewing gum, and several peanuts, all in a Zip-Loc bag.

9) Most Disheartening Moment:
Emily, who is practically the coolest kid on the planet, sitting by herself and crying, because it wasn't her birthday.

10) V.'s Favoritest Present of All Time:
The musical Shrek birthday card (it plays a ten-second snatch of SmashMouth's "All Star") sent by my mom, all the way from Texas.

Happy Birthday to Me

1) Yesterday, as an early present to myself, I took myself over to my beloved public library--the big one at Burgasse--and just dawdled and explored. I found a book of photographs of the New York Downtown art and music scene of the early eighties: some nice photojournalism, but I came away with the impression that that whole Philip Glass/the Kitchen/art gallery scene was ultimately so insular, elitist and white. While looking at the pictures, I listened to a bunch of CDs I'd never heard before: a late period Edgar Winter (which was this upbeat weird disco drivel), an early one by Edgar Broughton (strange, damaged and intriguing), the Pet Shop Boys (sorry, they're still too mannered and inessential to me), and Bryan Ferry (hey, maybe all of his early solo albums are good!?)

2) This morning, the girls woke me up by singing "Happy Birthday" and serving me cake. Very sweet. Then they gave me a pile of new shirts and a new hoodie. I am now officially Mr. H & M.

3) I'm not getting older, I'm getting sleepier.

4) My friend LouAnne once said she thinks that almost everyone in the USA really really thinks that they will one day wake up rich and/or famous. I think that's a true thing, and I try to keep it in mind as a cautionary principle.

5) Still, I really really thought that by the time I was 48, I would have knocked out at least one bestseller, Oscar or multi-platinum double live album.

6) Some of my best friends and some people I barely even know wished me a Happy Birthday on Facebook. That was pretty cool too.

7) If I could have an all-star birthday party to celebrate, the guest list would include Anette, Adinah, V., Steve, Simon, Keepsie, Leo, Dorit, my brother Tracy, Betsy, Molly, Marty, Alan, Rich, Sims and Yow, Ron, Luke, Kathy, Ed, Ed, and Ed. Plus the Little Guy, Max, Sam and Caesar. And my brother Sean, and my mom.

8) I guess I'm gonna die some day. Probably. That's usually the way it goes.

9) Especially if I keep celebrating by eating nachos and french fries and drinking Coca Cola.

10) But then again, I've always been a lucky guy.

Sardinia 2009 Top Five Good/Bad Moments

1) My Last Swim:
Without either kid, I dog-paddled a ways out into the sea and pulled a dead-man’s float. Twice. Looked out the vastness, then back at my family on the shore. Decided to return to my family.

2) Anette’s Birthday:
On June 24th, on the porch of the trailer we rented at our campground, we celebrated my sweetheart with an awesome ricotta and chocolate-chip cake. Then we set out on our bikes for a nearby beach resort town. But Anette had a blowout before we’d made it five hundred meters. She may have run over a thorn. (I didn’t know thorns were sharp enough to puncture a mountain bike tire, but I guess the roses of Sardinia grow rough and tough.) We went back and borrowed a lesser bike, and pedaled to a much nearer beach, and a mind-blowing pizzeria named La Torre. And I gave Anette a hand-woven pillow case and two potholders, embroidered with a design of red coral—a symbol of Sardinia.

3) Adinah Loses her First Tooth:
This damn thing, a lower front one, had been hanging on by the slimmest of roots for weeks. Adinah was terribly proud of it—her first “waggle zahn”—and even more proud of what it meant: she’s becoming a little woman. She lost it as she bit into an ice cream. Unfortunately, we were on the beach at the time. She insisted on running over to some friends to show them her ex-tooth, and of course, she lost it in the sand. She was nearly inconsolable, and we all got down on hands and knees and searched through the pebbles for an hour, to no avail. The awful poetry of that—kid loses her first tooth, then loses it again among a million grains of sand—was almost unbearable. I promised her french fries so she would stop crying. She felt better the next morning, especially after a visit from the Tooth Fairy, who left her a note, € 1.50, and a pack of chewing gum.

4) Talking to the Donkey with V.:
Our short daily walk to the beach skirted the edge of another campground. A donkey lived there. One afternoon, when V. was particularly post-nap grumpy, and unwilling to walk, I tried to make her laugh by starting a shouting match with the burro.
“Damn it, you Donkey!” I hollered.
V. giggled.
“Come out and play!”
Another giggle.
“Come out, you damn Donkey!!” I yelped, like some berserk farmer.
V. howled with glee. She loves yelling and hearing anyone else yell. Or curse. So, thus inspired, she added her own favorite phrase.
“Donkey, ich haue dich um funf! (I’ll hit you at five o’clock.)”
“Donkey, goddamn it! Shut up!” I added helpfully.
“Ut up!” V. screamed hysterically.
By this time we were both laffing like complete loony-birds. But V. couldn’t resist a parting shot.
“Donkey, don’t eat my popo (butt)!!!”
The donkey never returned our calls, BTW.

Now I know I’ll always be able to cheer V. up by A) screaming hysterically, or B) finding a donkey.

5) Naptime at our Trailer:
While V. slept, and Adinah played with the neighbor’s kid, I drank espresso and read my book (Post War by Tony Judt.) Ahh, the sounds of silence.

Post-Traumatic Birthday Party Stress: Lessons Learned

1) Do Not Print Extra Party Invites
Or you will have extra party guests.

2) Do Not Assign the Distribution of Said Invites to your Six-Year-Old Daughter
Some invitations will never make it home to the prospective guests' parents. Which will necessitate a second round of invitations, corroborations and desperate pleas, by phone, e-mail and fax.

3) Do Not Invite Too Many Kids
Ten is too many. Unless they bring their mommies. And/or parole officers.

4) Boys are Different from Girls
They hit each other. They dogpile each other. They start pillow fights and will not stop until you take away all the pillows. Boys will push all of your buttons quicker and much more overtly. Do not strangle them.

5) Use Television as a Weapon, if Necessary
When the "playing" begins to resemble a scene from The Lord of the Flies, turn on the boob tube. They will mollify.

6) Arts and Crafts Activities Provide a Focus and Help Prevent Bloodshed
Maybe the Crips and Bloods should try making masks out of paper and string. Sort some things out.

7) Amidst the Chaos, Hug any Child who Asks for a Hug, No Questions Asked

8) Do Not Invite the Little Friends of the Little Sister of the Birthday Girl, just to be Considerate to the Little Sister
Plan a separate activity for them, off-site. Otherwise, you're throwing two parties in the same apartment.

9) Do Not Fly Solo
Make sure other adults are present. As eyewitnesses. Consider a ratio of one grown-up for every three ankle-biters.

10) Arrange for your Putzfrau to come the Day After

Adinah's Sixth Birthday Party Checklist

Wednesday:
-Blow up balloons
-Make cakes
-Prepare paper mask game
-Buy 2 or 3 more pairs kids scissors
-Select disco party music
-Mummify ballroom
-Buy 1 flower each for each kid (12)
-Build Igloo
-Buy Nacho makings @ Spar

Thursday:
-Pick-up all kids at kindergarten, making sure Maya has joined us and that we've gotten Vinzy from the other class
-Transport kids
-At home, play "Who's the Bird?"
-Cake, juice, etc.
-Mask game at big table in ballroom
-Build magic castle, with igloo and kitchen table extensions
-Disco Party/Hit parade game
-Musical Chairs
-Open Presents
-Popcorn
-Child pick-up

Dinner:
Nachos or Pizza?

Dear Birthday Fairy…

For my sixth birthday, I would like to get:

1 For my Baby Born doll, Merta, a terrace
2 A carriage or sleigh for Merta
3 Rudolf the Red Nosed reindeer
4 Some rose bushes
5 Crowns for Merta
6 A sister and mama Baby Born doll, and a really baby Baby Born, a really small one.
7 With a schnuller (pacifier).
8 A unicorn
9 And a horse.
10 Plus mirror, toilet, the button for the mirror, and a button for the toilet and for the heart-shaped pillow and for the teacup and the magic candle.
11 All ice-skating things
12 A swimming pool for Baby Born and a button to push for it.
13 A winter dress
14 A summer dress with short sleeves
15 Long sleeves for the winter dress
16 A Christmas tree for outside
17 One long winter coat, pink; one long winter coat, blue
18 Diapers
19 One blanket with red hearts and a
20 Crib

Thank you, Birthday Christkind, and I hope it will come.

Adinah (& Merta)

PS:
21 Cookies
22 A button for cookies: when you push it, cookies come
23 A kitchen
24 Soup pot
25 Frying pan
26 Oven
27 Sink
28 Ice cream
29 Cake
All of this in a castle with a swimming pool outside (with garden)
30 Gummi bears
31 Smarties
32 Maxi-cosi carrier for Merta and a
33 Stroller

V.'s Birthday Weekend Top Ten!

Cakes:
Two of them. One bundt cake from her kindergarten party, and one that Anette, Adinah and V. herself baked. The first was good, but the second had chocolate frosting and Gummi Bears which spelled out the number "2."

Presents:
Crayons from Dietlinde, a book about shapes from Oma and Opa, and a baby-blue monkey from us.

Most Characteristic refusal:
V declines to wear the purple paper crown that the kids at school made for her. Even though it has her name spelled out on it in silver glitter. So I've been putting it on when no one's looking.

Most Crushing Disappointment:
We wanted to go swimming to celebrate, but when we got there, the pool was closed. So we made our

Best Rebound:
Our walk back from the pool, on a most amazing burnt-orange and yellow autumn afternoon.

V.'s most Astounding Discovery:
Tangerines!

Best Site-specific Performance Art/Birthday Dance:
V. and Adinah spinning in place in the middle of the only slightly seedy Schottentor U-Bahn station. Adinah fell down and got up laughing.

Being an Index and Statistical Compendium of Salient Factors and Mitigating Data for the Celebration Event know as "Adinah's Fifth Birthday Party"

Event Duration:
3.5 hours

Cakes:
2 (Chocolate Frosting with Smarties and Gummi Bears on top)

Bowls Popcorn:
1

Music:
"Rebel Rebel" by David Bowie

Most Startling Pre-Party Revelation:
Several of Adinah's closest Kindergarten pals had never gone on playdates without their mothers, let alone gone to the fairground to ride ponies with rogue parents like Anette and I.

Most Satisfying non-Adinah moment:
Watching some of these same girls smile triumphantly as they rode ponies solo, without even holding on!

Most Satisfying Post-Party Report:
Hearing that Magdalena, one of the shyest girls, hasn't stopped talking about the party for three days.

Barbie Paraphernalia gifted or exchanged:
2 Dolls, 1 "Fashion Fever" kit, several pairs of half-inch high heels, one pink rubber purse, assorted crowns.

Number of Invited Attendees:
6

Number of Tag-along Attendees (i.e. little brothers/sisters):
2

Number of Adult Escorts/Pony Minders:
5

Best Gift:
A purple and silver striped Hula Hoop, from our babysitter Rosa.

My Favorite Four Seconds:
Holding Adinah's hand as we left the Prater.

Number of Attendees Who Cried when the Party was Over:
3

Number of Adults who would Not Leave:
2

Real Life Quote:
Adinah: "I'm five years old. I'm not a baby anymore."

a reprise

"Happy birthday, Adinah."

These were my first words this morning when we woke up. At the breakfast table, we opened her presents from us. Then we lit a candle for Adinah's first mother. Kidan.

Anette asked me if there was anything I wanted to say to the woman who brought Adinah into the world. I said yes, then I started to choke up, and I said, "Thank you."

Today is Adinah's day, and Euro Like Me will no doubt be dispatching its cub reporter to cover the festivities (which are rumored to include pony rides, Blind Man's Bluff and more than a few heart-shaped balloons.) But before the Birthday Blitz resumes, I want to take a moment to consider the other little girl in our lives: Miss V. Thinking of Adinah's biological mother set off something in me and what I wrote in my last post. So I want to continue a thought...and somehow address this force that rages red through me sometimes.

I've got anger. I know fury. It may have something to do with my father, but I can't blame him anymore. It's me. This anger is part of who I am. I can (usually) control it, but I don't think I can kill it.

And lately, I've been mad at V., and mad at her mom, mad at Hillary Clinton, and mad at the world. I'm mad because it's so hard to get a good night's sleep, and because I miss my wife, and because it sometimes seems impossible to find a quiet moment that's mine and only mine.

But I can't be mad like that anymore. At least not at V. or her biological mother. I can't because it's not right. If V. keeps us awake because she's in pain, it's not her fault--that's just the way it is. And as difficult as it is too accept, even if V. is in pain because of something that happened before we met her, I cannot be mad at her first mother. I don't even know her first mother.

So it really doesn't matter whether I get tired of being understanding and forgiving. Because I'm just going to have to keep trying to forgive and understand everyone in our house, and a few people outside of it.

I owe that to them, and to all the first mothers.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Birthday Party Location: ButterBrot Kindergruppe (Bread-and-Butter Pre-K)

Amenities: Climbing Wall, Trapeze, Trampoline

Celebrants: Maya, 4, and Paula, 6

Barbie Dolls in Attendance: 3

Ratio of Caucasian Barbie Dolls to Barbie Dolls of Color: 2 to 1

Ratio of Blonde Kids to Brown Ones: 5 to 2

Most Delicate Negotiation: Tie: the Barbie Doll Exchange and the Gummi Bear Exchange

Bowls of Popcorn Popped: 3

Cakes: 7

Highlight for Adinah: the 7 Cakes

Most Surprising Appetizer: (Good) Guacamole

Meltdowns: (unknown boy)-1
Maya-1
Adinah-3
Teresa-7

Kid-on-Kid Biting Incidents: 1 (unconfirmed)

Most Popular Party Favor: Whistling Balloons Capable of Chasing Grown-Ass Men Around the Room

Ratio of Goat Cheese-Cubes Touched, Poked or Smushed by Emily to Goat Cheese-Cubes actually Eaten by Emily: 5 to 1

Best Idea Proposed by an Adult: a 24 hour Television Network Devoted to Emily

Adinah's Birthday Index

(apologies to Harper's)

Number of (large) bowls of popcorn popped for Adinah's birthday party: 4

Number of cakes: 3

Varieties of bubbly drinks available for adult consumption: Cider (4.5% alcohol), Champagne, Proseco, mineral water

Number of face-painted clown cats in attendance: 1

Number of adopted children: 4

Number of adopted Ethiopian children: 3

Ratio of Ethiopian children to blond children: 1:1

Ratio of kids to adults: 11:13

Screaming fits: 4

Songs requested by the birthday girl: "El Paso" by Marty Robbins, "Monkey Man" by Toots and the Maytals, "You are My Sunshine" by Elizabeth Mitchell

Broken dishes: 2

Spilled juice cartons: 2

Blood shed: none

Party duration: 5 hours

Clean up time: 1 hour